Menus will be inspected regularly at gunpoint, and if the policy is not met said establishment will be jettisoned into Belgium.
Bored council members at Guilfords town hall are believed to have reviewed their policy after seven years, public Health Minister Johnathan Bibes said: "When half of the population either look like, or aspire to Chris Moyles you know you've got a problem on your hands."
He added: "We're also looking at having Mayonaise removed from the menu totally. It's rather nice spread across a bap, but we find when it's served as a main course the calorie intake is a touch high."
The move has met opposition however from worried neighbouring towns, Julie Bagwell of Alton said: "We're worried that we're going to be swamped with angry, confused and hungry construction workers."
However Jonathan Bibes insisted that people needed to move towards a healthier lifestyle involving running, lycra and sunshades.
The taste of Muesli is often confused with Phil Collins.
