A story

[Dave999]

Once upon a time a man found a bit of haddock that had slipped down behind the salad compartment in the back of his fridge, it was well out of date and had become discoloured around the periphery, he.....


now i've started, the rest of you can Bananarama! off, if its a goodun we'll publish and become rich beyond our wildest dreams, like that bird that did Barry Potter and the Wizards Cuff....i can see you all logged in.....i ve just been in a 2 hour meeting and no one has posted anything while i was away....but you are all still logged in...i can see yoooooooooooooooooou

[Anonymous]

........then pondered on how eating the fish might affect his digestive tract. Times were hard. He couldn't afford loo paper, and in any case,the flush didn't work. Weighing the pro's and cons, he decided.....

[Ivor]

...went to grab the haddock, when he noticed the rancid fish open one beady eye..

[Jon Benn]

Then formed its mouth into a perfect "O" and spat out a pus covered fir ball that caught him between the eyes.

[latil]

Wiping his facing,while retching from the stench,the man decided that at last he could finish off his mother in law. The old woman was fond of fish pie. He would add the Haddock into the pie for tonights dinner.......

[MrNorm]

That evening he served up the putrid pie to the mother-in-law. Silently, she ate it...mouthful after mouthful. After a long time she finished it, then suddenly went wide eyed and sat up straight...."That was delicious, got any more of that son?".
Enraged, the man.....

[Ian Z]

..went into the kitchen, found some cotton wool in the cutlery drawer and using the cotton wool, wiped the surfaces of the fridge where the fish had lain. Very quickly, he went outside, across the road to the Spar shop. Bought a ready meal fish pie and rushed back to his kitchen. He opened the box, wiped the infected cotton wool into the pie and then micro-waved until luke warm. Lucky that he had recently recovered from a bout of serious flue, he skilfully added some of his own phlegm to the mix for good measure - his wife's mother was old and quite frail.
He shouted to his mom in law that he was just preparing the last remaining portion of the pie and would be with her shortly...


(NB - no I havent done this before, in case you ask.)

[MilesnMiles]

...Today in court representatives for the man accused of poisining his mother in law were undecided as to how exactly the women had been killed. Was it from the putrid fish or from the Well Known on the High Street convenience store fish pie that had ultimately dome for the old girl...

[Dave999]

It was decided after much deliberation that this stalemate could only be resolved by a taste test, so court was adjourned and "the man" was asked to place a large bit of haddock down the back of his salad compartment again in order to keep the test scientific he duly agreed and promised to do it on his return from land of leather. They had a bloody good sale on and after court he was off to get a new settee.

a delegate was sent down the Spar as well to purchase 20 regal king size and a veritable truck load of findus fish cuisine, main constituents Hake cheese and broccoli which he left sitting in the back of his Bedford rascal.

The kids'll have to sit in the front and i won't have the protection of the cage!! He said grumpily.

many months past........

[the dodge]

for thats how long it took him to get home in the rascal.................................

[latil]

...by which time the case was dimissed and he decided to do something with the Bedford Rascal that involed a hemi and the legacy from the mother in law.....

[MilesnMiles]

...for the real reason that the 'man' wanted his inlaw dead was due to her willing him her pristine Hemi cuda last seen in 'Cars in Barns' under a combine harvestor and a tarpaulin...

[Jon Benn]

He had also read the nineteenth century French classic, Desiring the Dead several times and thought it sounded like fun........

[Ivor]

As he tiptoed into the barn there in the gloom was the ghostly outline of the shaker hood. With his heart pounding in his chest, slowly he lifted the hood and there, before him were two, round, perfectly formed...

[Dave999]

edam.

where the engine should be

gadzeeks! he exclaimed

massive cheeses.....!